There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
