Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
