Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
