so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
