My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
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Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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