Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
