I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno