I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?