My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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