Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
