I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
