i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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