he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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