a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
