just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
