they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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