sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
