The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you win again, gameday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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