you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
