i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
