No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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