I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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