fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize