I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
