the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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