i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
