You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
