Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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(205): what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/58rl

Replies (38) Good night (796) Bad night (3017)
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(347): View more from New York

You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?

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(347): You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid? http://tfl.nu/2je7

Replies (34) Good night (906) Bad night (5818)
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(415): View more from California

I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

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(415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu

Replies (11) Good night (8208) Bad night (1273)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I swear to god he's a one man village people.

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(503): I swear to god he's a one man village people. http://tfl.nu/tro1

Replies (13) Good night (3113) Bad night (1374)
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(301): View more from Maryland

The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.

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(301): The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend. http://tfl.nu/xomb

Replies (31) Good night (1204) Bad night (5174)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

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(860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag

Replies (13) Good night (2683) Bad night (4668)
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(516): View more from New York

I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card

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(516): I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card http://tfl.nu/zhem

Replies (7) Good night (2812) Bad night (1296)
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(512): View more from Texas

Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.

(512): View more from Texas

Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.

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(512): Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college. (512): Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good. http://tfl.nu/chyc

Replies (10) Good night (1613) Bad night (1066)
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(714): View more from California

Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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(714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8

Replies (40) Good night (5617) Bad night (1229)
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(404): View more from Georgia

So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.

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(404): So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care. http://tfl.nu/6j38

Replies (16) Good night (1132) Bad night (1914)
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(847): View more from Illinois

He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

(312): View more from Illinois

So... He's a barber?

(847): View more from Illinois

No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

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(847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs

Replies (1) Good night (1551) Bad night (793)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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(616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b

Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (386)
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(613): View more from Ontario

How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day

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(613): How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day http://tfl.nu/h9s2

Replies (1) Good night (825) Bad night (326)
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(559): View more from California

I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right

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(559): I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right http://tfl.nu/jxe2

Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (338)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Do one night stands count towards my number?

(516): View more from New York

Yes. A penis is a penis

(217): View more from Illinois

Even bad ones?

(516): View more from New York

YES.

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(217): Do one night stands count towards my number? (516): Yes. A penis is a penis (217): Even bad ones? (516): YES. http://tfl.nu/iyle

Replies (0) Good night (732) Bad night (479)

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