Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.