Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.

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(516): View more from New York

I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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(+86): View more from China

Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed

(201): View more from New Jersey

so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(243): View more from

We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.

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(206): View more from Washington

At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?

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(256): View more from Alabama

She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that

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