Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
