Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?