I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.