I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
