I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
