i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
