OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
