2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
