And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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