Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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