i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Your dad touched me again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
