I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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