We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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