Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
