Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
