I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
