Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think your dad took our porno
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
