my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
