my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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