she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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