my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
