umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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