I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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