pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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