I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
