Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
