im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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