Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
