But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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