Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
