At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
