I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
