he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
