dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.