Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.