i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it