i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.