please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan