dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
