Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
