i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
