Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
