"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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