Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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