I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
