Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
