things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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